Identifying and Understanding Your Emotions

It is normal to have a great many emotions in the face of uncertainty. Like other forms of stress and anxiety, election stress has the potential to impact our physical and mental health, and also our relationships with those around us by making us more reactive, irritable or withdrawn. In the following, we are going to explore some of the common emotions I hear from others and what thoughts or values are typically tied to these emotions.

1. Anger. Anger is a common emotion I hear when my clients and others talk about election stress. People are angry that they no longer feel safe and supported by their government. Moreover, people are angry that their values and beliefs are not reflected in the decisions that are being made by their government. This anger can also lead to feeling hopeless and overwhelmed. Anger, like anxiety, can also cause us to remain in a state of “high alert” whereby we are constantly monitoring for threat. If this state persists long enough, this can lead to feelings of alienation and isolation from others.

2. Fear/Anxiety. I have heard many fearful thoughts from my clients spanning a variety of issues from reproductive care, LGBTQ rights, government corruption and the economy. I have even worked with one couple who decided to postpone starting a family because they were not certain they could receive the medical care their unique situation required in their current State. Fear is a natural byproduct of being out of control in a scenario where you think you could suffer from real or threatened harm. Fear, once triggered in the amygdala, will also result in the fight, flight or freeze response.

3. Sadness. Regardless as to which side of the fence you sit on regarding political issues, there are many reasons to feel sad about the current situation. The level of division amongst our families, friends, communities and nation is enough to trigger feelings of sadness. Speaking for myself, this sadness comes from the belief that we should support, protect and advocate for one another. Observing the ongoing conflict can result in feelings of hopelessness and helplessness.

4. Hopelessness. Hopelessness is slightly different from sadness in that it is a more sustained or intense form of sadness. When we become hopeless we do not see the potential for change. This can lead to feeling apathetic, burnt-out and alienated. Hopelessness can also be linked to a belief that the world should be fair and just.

5. Helplessness. Helplessness and hopelessness generally go hand-in-hand. Helplessness stems from the belief that there is nothing you can do to change the current situation. Some common thoughts associated with helplessness are, “I’m just one vote”, “No one will listen to me anyway”, and “I can’t fix this.” Helplessness can also lead to apathy as a means of self-protection and coping.

Recap of Topic: Identifying and Understanding Your Emotions

Election stress has garnered increasing attention since the 2016 election. Many people across the nation experienced heightened distress before, during and after the election. The conversations on my social media and in my office are indications that we have already begun to experience pre-election distress. It is not uncommon to feel angry, anxious, sad, helpless and/or hopeless during this time. Moreover, it is likely that these feelings will continue to persist after the election.

Coping Strategies for Your Emotions

As our stress goes up, so should our use of adaptive and effective coping skills. While there are an unlimited number of coping skills we can employ, we are going to address strategies that specifically target election stress and anxiety in the following.

1. Acknowledging your emotions. When we acknowledge our emotions, we can attend to the underlying need stemming from those emotions. Emotions are neither good nor bad; they just simply are. Imagine you placed your hand on a hot stove. Within a fraction of a second, you would immediately remove your hand because the nerves in your body would communicate a pain signal to your brain. This is essentially the function of an emotion. Emotions are trying to communicate a need or pain point occurring within your psyche. Emotions do not need to be dismissed, stuffed or fixed. This is especially critical in scenarios where uncertainty exists and we have a lack of control. I encourage my clients to think of them as companions. The more you allow for their presence the less likely they are to get stored in the body and turn into a larger problem later.

2. Identify what you can control. Humans DO NOT like to be out of control. As a matter of fact, we perpetually delude ourselves into thinking we have control which is why we experience frustration with traffic, a broken AC or illness. One way to cope with uncertainty is to identify what you CAN control. For example, you can control how much social media you consume. You can control whether or not you watch the debates and research political issues. You can control if you vote or use your voice in other ways. When we accept that we are largely out of control, we can then divert our energy away from fighting this as a reality to identifying where else we can place this energy effectively.

3. Monitor your beliefs and formation of beliefs. Over the last 8 years, I have heard a great many beliefs about the political landscape that were either untrue or misguided. One way to manage this, is by making sure that you vet everything you hear by fact checking it with a reputable source. Another way to monitor your beliefs is by looking at the assumptions you are making about others. For example, if you are angry with your neighbor for hanging a pro Trump or pro Harris flag, can you ask yourself, why? What do you actually know about your neighbor’s beliefs and ideology? Do you know why they are in favor of this candidate and what this is attached to for them? Becoming curious about the mindset’s of others in lieu of being judgemental, creates space for empathy and conversation versus anger and mistrust.

4. Monitor for the “What if” monster. When we allow our mind to dwell in the “what if’s” we are essentially suffering over an event that has not occurred and may not occur. There are several strategies to manage “what if” thinking. One way is to decide on the worst case scenario and explore what you would do in this situation. This is essentially an example of “coping ahead.” Another way to manage “what if” thinking is to practice mindfulness. When we are mindful, we are present in what is currently happening. We are attentive to our environment and grounded in our bodies. Some strategies for grounding in your body include, but are not limited to, taking a walk in nature, meditation, yoga, deep breathing, and prayer.

5. Make a plan. This is another example of coping ahead. As it pertains to election stress, you can make a plan for voting, watching the results, speaking about political topics and attending to your safety, to name a few. Making plans allows for you to identify what you can control and feel relief knowing that you can assert control in those ways.

Recap of Topic: Coping Strategies for Your Emotions

If you are experiencing election stress, it is your responsibility to identify and implement coping strategies. Your chosen coping strategies can be those with which you use for other stressors. You can also chose to cope by acknowledging you emotions, identifying what you have control over, monitoring your beliefs and formation of beliefs, watching for the “what if” monster, and making plans.

Navigating Political Conversations

As previously stated, the vast majority of Americans are worried about this upcoming election. This means that people will talk about their thoughts and concerns before, during and after the election. While this is a normal way to cope with stress, it can also lead to conflict within work place environments, communities and families. To assist you in coping with this likely scenario, I offer the following suggestions:

1. Lead by example. Demonstrate respectful communication and professionalism in your interactions. For example, don’t express strong political opinions in the workplace, family gatherings or peer groups. Instead, step away from conversations about politics or redirect the conversation. Identify close, trusted individuals with which you can have vulnerable conversations about your fears and needs.

2. Emphasize shared or common goals. The vast majority of Americans have shared interests. We want to provide for our families and experience our civil liberties, to name a few. Even if someone chooses to vote for your non-preferred candidate, they likely value a great many of the same things you do. Can you create connection around those commonalities?

3. Set expectations around political talk. Everyone should feel safe, welcomed, respected, and included when engaging in a conversation with another. While it is not your job to dictate what others should or should not talk about, it is your job to assert boundaries when a conversation becomes a problem. Especially as it pertains to this upcoming election, can you approach conversations as an opportunity to understand another better, not change another’s mind. In prior editions of the Togetherness Times, we addressed boundary setting and how to know the difference between a boundary and an expression of need. A quick summary is a boundary is a reflection of what you will or will not do.

4. Keep calm when tensions rise. Preparing for how you might react in advance of a conversation will increase your self-awareness and may give you more options if you want to de-escalate tension. If you find yourself quick to react in a heated conversation, it may benefit you to take a step back and remind yourself to be calm. Try taking deep breaths when you find yourself getting worked up or politely change the topic of conversation. Only you can control your emotions, and being aware of them will help you to lessen tension with others.

5. Have conversation goals. Understanding your goals when it comes to communicating with others may be helpful to having productive conversations. Whether the conversation is on a sensitive topic, such as healthcare, or not, it’s important to determine what you hope to achieve from the conversation. Is it that you want to change the person’s mind or to simply hear and better understand their point of view? Establishing easy, attainable goals when communicating with others will help to ease tension in a conversation.

6. Know when to end the conversation. If the conversation has not come to a resolution, you may want to find an appropriate time to end the discussion peacefully. It may be that you change the topic of conversation or suggest another activity, but reinforce maintaining the relationship you have with the other person. Even though there wasn’t an agreement, continue to participate in activities you enjoy together.

Recap of Topic: Navigating Political Conversations

Navigating hard conversations surrounding sensitive topics like politics, racism, religion, gun control, or abortion can cause strain on any relationship, whether it be with friends or acquaintances, co-workers, family, or even a spouse. Knowing or discovering that you have different ideologies or beliefs than those you care about can be uncomfortable, especially if you are in conversation about those topics. Some ways to manage the distress that can occur during these conversations is lead by example, emphasize common goals, set expectations around political talks, keep calm when tensions rise, have conversation goals and know when to end the conversation.

^{Recommended Product of the Week}

This week’s recommended product(s) is the book, How to Win Friends & Influence People by Dale Carnegie. For over 60 years the rock-solid, time-tested advice in this book has carried thousands of now-famous people up the ladder of success in their business and personal lives. The book addresses six ways to make people like you, twelve ways to win people to your way of thinking and nine ways to change people without arousing resentment.