Common Back-to-School Stressors

Sending children to school is usually an experience associated with a mixture of emotions such as excitement, pride, anxiety and grief. These emotions may change year-after-year based on the unique circumstances of your child and family. As previously stated, some stressors of sending children back to school are common to all parents, while others are only experienced by some. We are going to explore both in the section below.

1. Managing logistics. The logistics of returning to school are tedious and nuanced for each family. My family, for example, has one child going back to high school, one child going back to middle school and one child attending two, part-time days. Some of our logistics include, but are not limited to, updating a 504 plan, purchasing uniforms, purchasing supplies, meeting teachers, assisting with separation anxiety, learning bus routes, and creating homework and project schedules. One of the biggest logistical challenges is that attending to the minutia is an ongoing process that can take a few weeks to nail down. It is crucial to embrace flexibility and compassion for yourself and your family while you work through a period of transition.

2. Planning for the cost. Sending children back to school can be expensive. Not only does your child(ren) need new clothes for his or her growing body, but they may also require school supplies, tech supplies, tuition and activity/sports fees. While there are some ways to mitigate these costs, sending children back to school will likely be a costly season.

3. Co-parenting communication. Whether you are still with your child’s other parent or you are separated and co-parenting between two households, most parents will have to communicate, collaborate and coordinate their schedules. This can be stressful for many parents who are juggling busy schedules of their own. In some families, it may make sense to divide and concur to lighten the load. We will explore options for stress mitigation in the next section.

4. Parent-teacher communication. Most schools and teachers clearly communicate how you can talk to your child’s teacher(s). Many parents want this information readily available so they can support the classroom’s needs, clarify assignments, volunteer their time, and address the needs of the child. In my experience, it is incumbent upon the parent to be proactive in knowing the policies and procedures of their child’s school. Attending orientations and meet-the-teacher events are usually the most effective way to get this information.

5. Advocating for your child. No one knows your child better than you. While teachers will have a unique and, hopefully, unbiased perspective of your child, you will still know more about your child’s needs. Knowing when your child’s needs substantiate intervention is not always easy. If you are in doubt, I encourage you to educate yourself on the purpose of a 504 plan and how it can be used to support your child. For example, my oldest daughter suffers from anxiety which is easily triggered in an educational setting. We decided to ask for a 504 plan in middle school to allow for additional time during tests and greater access to her teachers through her seating position. Her father and I have also advocated for her by educating her teachers on her anxiety and what it will look like in the classroom. Once you have your 504 plan in place, you can then request additional support services like testing, speech therapy and mental health counseling.

6. Planning for safety. Planning for safety is a sad necessity for children returning to school. This can take numerous forms from bullying, riding the bus, walking home from the bus stop, and planning for threats on campus. My children attend school in Seminole County and regularly undergo “code red” drills. Regardless as to how you feel about the drill, having a conversation with your child about what they are and why they exist is an unenviable task. Even the fact that we have to identify safety threats and then prepare our children for them, is a stressful scenario for any parent.

7. Establishing routines. It’s not uncommon for households to relax their routines over the summer. Children usually have different sleeping, eating and bathing schedules, to name a few. Returning to school requires the development of routines (i.e. meal planning, laying your clothes out a day in advance, resetting sleep schedules, and structuring homework time). While routines are great for parents and children alike when they are known and used, developing and maintaining them typically requires concerted energy and effort. This is stressful for the entire family. The busier you and your child are the more essential routines will become to effectively manage family responsibilities.

Recap of Topic: Common Back-to-School Stressors

Sending children back to school is a season of mixed emotions with stress usually being one of them. While not every family will experience the same stressors, most families will experience one or more of the above stresses. Common stressors include, but are not limited to, managing logistics, planning for costs, communicating with your child’s other parent and teachers, advocating for your child, planning for safety and establishing routines.

Managing Back-to-School Stressors

Now that we have identified some common stressors for parents sending their children back-to-school, we are going to explore options for mitigating stress. We can’t plan for every setback or hurdle, but we can proactively identity possible stressors and plan accordingly for them. In therapy terms, this is referred to as “coping ahead.”

1. Managing logistics. When I think about how I manage this, I know I use the divide and conquer method. Can your co-parent, sister, neighbor or friend help you to accomplish some of these tasks? Is it essential that you personally oversee every task? While I want to be present for every part of the process, I know that it is not possible for me to do so. When I struggle with my internal critic who demands that I be there for every event, I remind myself that life is not measured in time but in moments. It is on me to create moments with my children that communicate care, compassion and support. If I run myself ragged doing everything myself, I am compromised in my ability to create those moments.

2. Planning for the cost. Managing costs is unique to the needs of every family. In a prior newsletter, I shared some of my cost saving strategies. As it pertains to back-to-school costs, I lean into Kohl’s coupon codes, Publix buy one, get ones, and Amazon Prime Days. It is important to price compare for the best deal. Many times, “fake sales” are used to encourage you to buy. I like to use Amazon as my basis for cost comparison. There are also really great second hand stores for children. One local chain, Once Upon a Child, frequently has gently used clothing for pennies on the dollar. There are also many charitable organizations that provide backpacks for children and families returning to school. See the resources section for more information.

3. Co-parenting communication. When it comes to coordinating the logistics with your child’s other parent, I’m going to recommend the use of SMART goals. Regardless as to your relational dynamics, SMART goals can be created to clearly outline and define who will be doing what. SMART goals stand for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Time-Based goals. An example of a SMART goal is, “I will take child A to her school on August 8, 2024 at 1 PM to pick-up her schedule and meet her teachers. Can you take child B to her school on August 1, 2024 at 1 PM to pick up her schedule and computer?” The more specific the communication, the less room there is for miscommunication and confusion. Some families have a shared calendar or one note system. I don’t think there is a superior method here so long as you are able to work together to support the needs of the children.

4. Parent-teacher communication. A trick I learned over the years is to take a picture of the board. I used to walk into the classroom writing furiously to make sure I got all of the information. One day, I looked over and saw a parent take a picture of the board and simultaneously felt that they were a genius and that there was something wrong with my problem-solving skills. I do recommend saving your child’s teacher’s information somewhere so that you can access it as needed. In the event your child’s teacher is not responsive, I’d suggest knowing the organizational structure of the school so that you have multiple avenues for access. If all else fails, take solace in knowing that this information is in the public domain. Click here for the employee search function for all of Seminole County Public Schools.

5. Advocating for your child. Every school has an established policy and procedure for student support. After your child’s teacher, the school guidance counselor is going to be your next level of defense in getting support services in place. The beginning of the school year is often a chaotic time for teachers and staff. I actually don’t recommend waiting until the beginning of the the school year to begin your advocacy efforts for this reason. Nonetheless, if you find yourself in this situation, then I would recommend waiting two weeks before reaching out to the school guidance counselor for all NON-EMERGENT issues. For EMERGENT issues such as taking medication at school or child custody arrangements, I would recommend going to your child’s school on the first day. It’s important to understand that the school will be chaotic and overwhelmed during the first week and patience will be essential.

6. Planning for safety. Safety is usually a top consideration for most parents. In an effort to provide you with information from professionals in the field of safety and security, I have included links for you below.

   • What Parents Can Do to Keep Kids Safe at School

   • Parents and School Safety

   • Back to School Safety 101: Class Is in Session

7. Establishing routines. We already discussed SMART goals above. Routines are SMART goals that have been chained to create a process. If you want to set a bedtime routine, how can you use SMART goals to aid in it’s creation? You may want to start by deciding that you and your child’s other parent will have a conversation on Saturday, August 10, 2024 at 12 PM to discuss what you each want/need from a nigh time routine. From this conversation, you both decide that you want your child to be in bed by 9 PM. This means that phone use is discontinued at 8 PM, a bath/shower begins by 8:15 PM and ends by 8:45 PM. Once completed, the child can then brush teeth and hair and get dressed between 8:45 PM and 9 PM. Now that you have the order mapped out, you can have a discussion of who and how. For older children, you may want to work on developing self-discipline and not train them to be reliant on you for every reminder. In this scenario, you can consider using a behavior chart or a series of alarms set on everyone’s devices that carries the routine through to completion. In the above example, you would set alarms for 8 PM, 8:15 PM, 8:45 PM and 9 PM.

Recap of Topic: Managing Back-to-School Stressors

The back-to-school season comes with predictable and at times, unpredictable stressors. Identifying and planning for anticipated stressors allows you to determine your resources, both internal and external. Some helpful strategies to use for managing back-to-school stressors include relying on your support system, managing your expectations, creating SMART goals, being an informed consumer, educating yourself on advocacy strategies, discussing safety plans with your child and knowing how to access your child’s teacher.

Resources for Parents and Caregivers

In an effort to take the guess work out of some of the things discussed above, I am listing resources that can aid you in addressing many needs.

1. PBS Kids. This website provides a wealth of information and assists parents in creating back-to-school routines, dealing with separation anxiety, creating healthy meals and after school snacks and planning for after school activities.

2. iFocus Progressive Learning Center. This after school program offers S.T.E.A.M. education which engages students in hands-on, project-based learning activities that encourage exploration of real-world problems and challenges. It fosters critical, creative, and collaborative problem solving along with innovation. By incorporating the arts, S.T.E.A.M. education aims to invoke creativity, imagination, and artistic awareness in students. The program offers scholarships to cover the cost of tuition.

3. All Kids Play. All Kids Play provides funding to families and communities who lack the resources to pay for youth sports. Grants are available to qualifying families with kids in grade K-12 and not-for-profit community-based recreational sports organizations in low income areas on a need and first-come, first served basis as funds are available. Individual grants can be used for registration, equipment and other associated fees for sports classes, recreational leagues, and travel sports.

4. Back-to School Tax Free Holiday. Governor Ron DeSantis announced that the Back-to-School Sales Tax Holiday will begin on Monday, July 29, and run for two weeks, ending on Sunday, August 11. The sales tax holiday will help families to save money on items their students need for the new school year.

5. Back-to-School events and drives. Across Orlando and Central Florida, several organizations are hosting school supply giveaways and events, offering up free supplies and services (like haircuts, eye screenings and more) over the next week.

6. Cozi Family Organizer App. The Cozi App, available for Apple, Andriod and PC, provides families with many unique features such as,

   • Tracking everyone’s activities in one shared place.

   • Color coding to show who is involved at a glance.

   • Managing school events, the practice schedule, dentist appointments, vacations—whatever you need!

   • Receiving automatic notifications and agenda emails.

   • Sharing the grocery list, to-dos, recipes, and more.

Recap of Topic: Resources for Parents and Caregivers

When we proactively plan for upcoming stressors, we can fully access our available resources. Your family may not need or benefit from every resource listed above. I encourage you to share these resources with other families who may need additional support this school year. One of the best lessons my mother taught me was, “If there is a will there is a way.”

^{Recommended Product of the Week}

This week’s recommended product(s) is the Reduce Tumbler. Reduce is a family-owned company, that focuses on reducing our dependence on plastic water bottles. I stumbled across their product in my on going quest to find a sippy cup my son would accept. I can say from personal experience that he loves the child tumbler and it never spills. He will be taking this with him to school when he begins in August.